I am trying to figure out my homework and I am feeling overwhelmed.
In addition, this Saturday is the last day I will be able to visit the remains of my home. I have to decide if I want to go for one last look.
Top that off with the fact that I've got to decide if I want to go alone or have my parents in tow.
Before the fire, I was already feeling like I wanted to add space between me and my parents but now I am living with them. I have no privacy, no alone time, and now tonight before I go to bed I have to decide if I want them at my side this weekend. When the truth is I DO NOT KNOW.
I am so overwhelmed with trying to understand my school work that the LAST thing on my mind is this but I don't have the luxury of saying, "Let me see how I feel."
I mean, I might need the support but right now I don't know. Right now my focus is trying to understand things that make no sense to me.
And trying to figure out what a "pain" my father might be is just something I do not want to think about.
I am lost.
Maybe starting this blog is what ultimately brought an end to people contacting me. I have no clue. I went from hearing from people to fucking crickets there is so much silence.
I guess that is what happens. In the heat of it, it is a major event. Then everyone else goes on with their lives and forgets about it. Yet, I am still living in the middle of it.....and wondering if I even HAVE friends or the ones I thought I had are even worth keeping.
Right now I want to cry...but because I am not alone I have to be ready for 20 questions about "what's wrong".
And the cherry to all this is I think I've lost one of my best friends....I've had silence for over a week where there used to be close to daily contact. I miss this person and when I say "I miss you" I am answered by silence. That hurts.
Oh well, time to suck it up and pretend that my allergies are acting up and that is why it looks like I've been crying (when in reality I am crying) and attempt to figure out silver halide crystals, photons and what happens when they interact.
