Contact with the Outside World

OK, readers.....

This is a challenge for you.

My house burned down.

In addition, I am dealing with school and being over 40 and back in school.

I am living with my parents and have about 0.000001% of privacy.

I don't have a ton of free minutes on my cell phone plan.

I DO, however, finally have a computer in my room which means I have privacy within my computer screen.

My challenge to you readers....WRITE ME!!!! You want to know how I am outside of the blog then write me a freaking message and open the lines of communication.

I want to know about YOU as well. I could seriously use the distraction once in awhile. NO judgements on my side about your life.

Homework keeps me pretty well filled up and if I'm not doing that I have to be working on my home inventory for the insurance company (they won't pay off my mortgage without it - Ugh!)

Some of you get kudos and golf claps for already sending me emails. But I KNOW for a fact there are some of you out there reading this and not stepping up.

So...step up and talk to me.

I am not going to share your secrets on my blog. Cause, well my blog is about ME not you. Duh!

I want to know about you....some of you I haven't heard from in a long time and YOU reached out to me after the fire (thank you) so tell me what's been going on.

Some of you I do hear from once in a while...well time to add a little something to the emails.

Let's see who actually steps up to the challenge. You do not need to worry that you are going to say something "wrong" to me. Not gonna happen...

But I do feel like people I thought were "friends" really aren't friends....change my mind.

NOTE: Those of you who I am hearing from...just add a little more the emails, it will totally make my day.

December 2 - NOT a good day

I am trying to figure out my homework and I am feeling overwhelmed.

In addition, this Saturday is the last day I will be able to visit the remains of my home. I have to decide if I want to go for one last look.

Top that off with the fact that I've got to decide if I want to go alone or have my parents in tow.

Before the fire, I was already feeling like I wanted to add space between me and my parents but now I am living with them. I have no privacy, no alone time, and now tonight before I go to bed I have to decide if I want them at my side this weekend. When the truth is I DO NOT KNOW.

I am so overwhelmed with trying to understand my school work that the LAST thing on my mind is this but I don't have the luxury of saying, "Let me see how I feel."

I mean, I might need the support but right now I don't know. Right now my focus is trying to understand things that make no sense to me.

And trying to figure out what a "pain" my father might be is just something I do not want to think about.

I am lost.

Maybe starting this blog is what ultimately brought an end to people contacting me. I have no clue. I went from hearing from people to fucking crickets there is so much silence.

I guess that is what happens. In the heat of it, it is a major event. Then everyone else goes on with their lives and forgets about it. Yet, I am still living in the middle of it.....and wondering if I even HAVE friends or the ones I thought I had are even worth keeping.

Right now I want to cry...but because I am not alone I have to be ready for 20 questions about "what's wrong".

And the cherry to all this is I think I've lost one of my best friends....I've had silence for over a week where there used to be close to daily contact. I miss this person and when I say "I miss you" I am answered by silence. That hurts.

Oh well, time to suck it up and pretend that my allergies are acting up and that is why it looks like I've been crying (when in reality I am crying) and attempt to figure out silver halide crystals, photons and what happens when they interact.

Death of my iPod

A very sad night.

After searching and looking, my iPod has not turned up. Which means, it was lost in the fire.

I was POSITIVE that I had it and it was tucked away someplace.

But no such luck.

Earlier this evening, I just wanted to lie down and loose myself in my favorite songs. The songs that are the soundtrack to my life.

And like so many times in the last two weeks, I realize that I can't just go grab something I owned and use it.

It is situations just like this that frustrate me and ultimately make me sad.

I needed to hear those songs to transport my brain to different thoughts and it's not there.

I hadn't planned to cry myself to sleep tonight but I am frustrated and feel stupid that I didn't grab it. It must've been lying on the table or in the charger.

Beating The Irish!!!!!

OK, so while I should be climbing into bed and doing a bit of homework, I am blogging.

However, I had a FANTASTIC day today. While I did tell my story many times, outside of telling the story, it felt like "normal".

I was having a blast at the final home game for the awesome USC Trojans!!!!

I was hoping it would feel normal and it did.

The outpouring of support I got from my fellow Trojan friends was well so very touching. I made some new friends and I look forward to discussing our trip to the Rose Bowl (again, UGH!) and next season with my new friends (and old ones).

I just realized I didn't take any pictures at this game. Oh well, sometimes the game photos look the same and I need to zoom in to see what the uniforms of the other team looks like to determine which game it was. A shut out would've been nice, but if we kept them to under 100 yards and only field goal, I can live with that.

The Bruins are next up and well......I think the game against ASU will be considered a "good game" in UCLA world after we are done with them.

And for anyone who happens to know my thoughts on me being in Pasadena on days USC is playing....you will be happy to learn I have NO plans to be in Pasadena next Saturday.

Well, I am rambling and I see that Zoe has taken over my side of the bed so I'm gonna move her fuzzy little body and crack open a textbook to see exactly how much reading I have to do by Monday.

Yikes! Did I actually let my homework wait until Sunday??!?!?