To Love or Not To Love

I swear this economy and the chaos it has created is taking over and destroying my life.

I have to live with my parents AGAIN and I hate that.

And I am in love with this incredible amazing man who is so confused and in such a funk that he can't see that I'm standing here loving him unconditionally.

I don't care that he doesn't have a job or has no idea what he wants to be when he grows up.

All I know is that I love him and I want to share my life with him. Every single moment, every single day for the rest of my life.

But he's closed himself off from the world and won't let anyone in to help.

I mean here is someone who loves him sooooo much and he won't let me in.

Every time I ask if I'm wasting my life waiting for him he won't answer.

Is that because he's afraid that I will go?

WHAT!?!?!

I cry all the time and I think about him and my heart aches to want to help him and to love him.

Well, I feel a flood of tears working their way to my eyes and I need some peace tonight. I need to not cry and focus on something else.

As difficult as it is, I need to piece my life back together. Maybe just maybe IF I can piece some stuff in my life back together, he might let me in.

Never thought I'd be one to talk to a "higher power" for some help but I find myself doing that a lot these days.

Too often....life just really sucks.

Another Saturday Night Alone

Another Saturday has come and gone and I'm sitting in my room.

Alone....

Sad.....

Confused.....

Thought I was going to have plans but if there was something going on I must not have been invited.

Not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last time.

I'm the girl who people SAY they want to do stuff with but not the one who actually GETS to do that stuff.

Maybe it's cause I flaked out so many times. But trust me, it wasn't my fault.

Anyhow, I feel the tears burning down my face and I guess it's time to cry again.

It's 2010

Just realized the last time I blogged here it was 2009. So much has changed since then.

Internship over.

Moved a few more times.

Got a house to live in.

Cut some more people from my life who weren't really very valuable to my life in the first place.

And now....

I'm stressed.

Confused out my mind.

Sad.

Still living out of boxes.

And well, I'm just all around not to happy these days.