I cannot believe what a lack of privacy I get. It was supposed to be better after we moved to a larger space. But it seems to have gotten worse. I HATE this.
And stupid me put my computer screen so my back is to the door to my room but my screen is 100% visible. So now I have to research and find one of those privacy things to see if they can give my computer screen some privacy.
However, because I have researched those things I can tell you, they don't cover the straight behind you thing it only works to the side.
So this means I have to start closing my door and dealing with the pouty look my mother gives because I close the door.
Is there light at the end of this?????
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Computer Desk - Check
I spent the day assembling my new computer desk. Such a joy.
I was mostly thrilled that I didn't end up with some sort of cut, nick, or bruise from it.
It has an official home in my room and everything.
I do find it odd that this is a sign of life getting back to normal. So very strange.
I also find myself so very sad. I think someone I care for very deeply is slipping out of my life. And it hurts to loose this person. A part of me wants to say, "Don't go, I will do anything just don't go." But I am afraid that the "do anything" means I will give up a part of me. And me being me is what makes me interesting.
I can't believe after two days of studying I still feel like I am so NOT getting it. But let's hope it's floating around in my brain somewhere.
I've got a monster "things to do" list for tomorrow and I hope I can make a dent in it. I will mean an early start to the day but that's fine. It's a holiday so I might be able to get many things done.
I owe everyone an email and please know that just because I don't send you a message, doesn't mean I am not thinking of you. Each one of you cross my mind every single day. Because I am so very grateful and thankful for all of you.
OK, well, time to catch up on some more TiVo shows.
I was mostly thrilled that I didn't end up with some sort of cut, nick, or bruise from it.
It has an official home in my room and everything.
I do find it odd that this is a sign of life getting back to normal. So very strange.
I also find myself so very sad. I think someone I care for very deeply is slipping out of my life. And it hurts to loose this person. A part of me wants to say, "Don't go, I will do anything just don't go." But I am afraid that the "do anything" means I will give up a part of me. And me being me is what makes me interesting.
I can't believe after two days of studying I still feel like I am so NOT getting it. But let's hope it's floating around in my brain somewhere.
I've got a monster "things to do" list for tomorrow and I hope I can make a dent in it. I will mean an early start to the day but that's fine. It's a holiday so I might be able to get many things done.
I owe everyone an email and please know that just because I don't send you a message, doesn't mean I am not thinking of you. Each one of you cross my mind every single day. Because I am so very grateful and thankful for all of you.
OK, well, time to catch up on some more TiVo shows.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
What's New (Post Move)
In a crazy 2.5 days, I moved. There was chaos but the end result was soooooooo worth it.
I bought a new bed around Christmas but couldn't use it until we got more settled. I am looking forward to my 4th night in my new bed.
Zoe is not adjusting well to the new place. I think she's pissed because it was an ordeal to get her out from under furniture when we left the old place. She won't let me sleep more than 3 hours without pulling some sort of middle of the night antics. I know she will settle in. But until then, I cannot function on 5 hours of sleep.
I am feeling a little overwhelmed by school and hate the fact that I have to take time away from my studies to keep track of my parents. I find that even leaving reminder notes isn't working. Which, of course, has me freaked out that I am busting my ass to get new career skills and maybe actually get a life and I'm going to have to become a caretaker.
I hate the fact that I don't have someone special in my life and that the prospects of that happening well, I think I might actually get killed by a terrorist instead of having that someone special to wake up next to every single day. And I've got to wonder if the BAD choices I've made in my past are some sort of punishment.
(NOTE: To Fuckwit, just in case your stupid pathetic ass is reading this, don't give me advice. IT'S MY FUCKING BLOG!!!!)
Anyhow, I had incredible success with setting up wireless networks, hooking up computers, hooking up TiVo's, getting Vonage back up & running, and installing new printers. Seriously, I am thrilled that I was able to do that without having to pull my hair out.
Well, I need to get back to homework and eat something so time to bring this blog to a close.
I bought a new bed around Christmas but couldn't use it until we got more settled. I am looking forward to my 4th night in my new bed.
Zoe is not adjusting well to the new place. I think she's pissed because it was an ordeal to get her out from under furniture when we left the old place. She won't let me sleep more than 3 hours without pulling some sort of middle of the night antics. I know she will settle in. But until then, I cannot function on 5 hours of sleep.
I am feeling a little overwhelmed by school and hate the fact that I have to take time away from my studies to keep track of my parents. I find that even leaving reminder notes isn't working. Which, of course, has me freaked out that I am busting my ass to get new career skills and maybe actually get a life and I'm going to have to become a caretaker.
I hate the fact that I don't have someone special in my life and that the prospects of that happening well, I think I might actually get killed by a terrorist instead of having that someone special to wake up next to every single day. And I've got to wonder if the BAD choices I've made in my past are some sort of punishment.
(NOTE: To Fuckwit, just in case your stupid pathetic ass is reading this, don't give me advice. IT'S MY FUCKING BLOG!!!!)
Anyhow, I had incredible success with setting up wireless networks, hooking up computers, hooking up TiVo's, getting Vonage back up & running, and installing new printers. Seriously, I am thrilled that I was able to do that without having to pull my hair out.
Well, I need to get back to homework and eat something so time to bring this blog to a close.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Pre-Moving Day
I am finally moving OUT of the "The Valley" and will be moving out of our apartment near Universal Studios.
I am thrilled to be leaving the "temporary" apartment. I am sick of the ants invading my bathroom, the bad dog owners who let their dogs bark at all hours, the crummy unassigned parking, the video game junkies who bring over really ugly noisy women in an attempt to get laid, the tranny who likes to "model" in the hall outside our front door, the shared laundry room, the child who runs up and down the hall, and the shared bedroom wall with my parents.
I will be sad to leave the beautiful view of city lights and pine trees outside my bedroom window, the occasional coyote howl (reminds me of my house pre-fire), the close commute to school, and places that I am very familiar with.
For the last two years or so, I have wanted to move "over the hill" (Hollywood Hills) from "The Valley". I always thought I'd be a Valley Girl but turns out I am not too fond of the climate (a.k.a. heat).
I am on a new adventure and I couldn't be more thrilled. I will even be a little closer to Disneyland. I am looking forward to finding new favorite restaurants, the new place is situated between 3 grocery stores, and new shopping to explore.
I will have a commute to and from school however, the joy is I will be driving opposite the commute direction on the 405.
Unlike previous moves, this move is actually pretty easy. Why? Because I don't have that much stuff anymore. I laugh when I type that. I will be able to load ALL my "stuff" into my car and drive from old place to new place and be done. That's freaking amazing for me.
I am a little nervous for Zoe. She has seen the boxes and my suitcase so she knows something is up. I have to wonder if she is secretly hoping that we are going to back to "her house". The house with her toys, her furniture, the window she liked to sunbathe in, etc. She has been an incredible trooper through ALL of this. For the Merick Fire she evacuated to the Residence Inn and seemed to settle in to enjoy it right before we left and the first night after we lost the house, she cuddled right up to me on the bed and we snoozed away. The trip in the car will be tough but I know all will go well.
I will try to take some pictures of the moving experience and an informational email to important people is forthcoming.
Yet another new adventure....I hope I can sleep tonight.
I am thrilled to be leaving the "temporary" apartment. I am sick of the ants invading my bathroom, the bad dog owners who let their dogs bark at all hours, the crummy unassigned parking, the video game junkies who bring over really ugly noisy women in an attempt to get laid, the tranny who likes to "model" in the hall outside our front door, the shared laundry room, the child who runs up and down the hall, and the shared bedroom wall with my parents.
I will be sad to leave the beautiful view of city lights and pine trees outside my bedroom window, the occasional coyote howl (reminds me of my house pre-fire), the close commute to school, and places that I am very familiar with.
For the last two years or so, I have wanted to move "over the hill" (Hollywood Hills) from "The Valley". I always thought I'd be a Valley Girl but turns out I am not too fond of the climate (a.k.a. heat).
I am on a new adventure and I couldn't be more thrilled. I will even be a little closer to Disneyland. I am looking forward to finding new favorite restaurants, the new place is situated between 3 grocery stores, and new shopping to explore.
I will have a commute to and from school however, the joy is I will be driving opposite the commute direction on the 405.
Unlike previous moves, this move is actually pretty easy. Why? Because I don't have that much stuff anymore. I laugh when I type that. I will be able to load ALL my "stuff" into my car and drive from old place to new place and be done. That's freaking amazing for me.
I am a little nervous for Zoe. She has seen the boxes and my suitcase so she knows something is up. I have to wonder if she is secretly hoping that we are going to back to "her house". The house with her toys, her furniture, the window she liked to sunbathe in, etc. She has been an incredible trooper through ALL of this. For the Merick Fire she evacuated to the Residence Inn and seemed to settle in to enjoy it right before we left and the first night after we lost the house, she cuddled right up to me on the bed and we snoozed away. The trip in the car will be tough but I know all will go well.
I will try to take some pictures of the moving experience and an informational email to important people is forthcoming.
Yet another new adventure....I hope I can sleep tonight.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Walk A Day In My Life...
I am PISSED at the "anonymous" person who decided to comment on this blog (note I deleted your comment).
UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A DAY IN MY LIFE DON'T GIVE ME MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE OR TELL ME THAT I AM FULL OF MYSELF.
Clearly you didn't read ALL of my blog.
Go off into cyber world and find someone else to pass along your "wisdom" to.
UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A DAY IN MY LIFE DON'T GIVE ME MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE OR TELL ME THAT I AM FULL OF MYSELF.
Clearly you didn't read ALL of my blog.
Go off into cyber world and find someone else to pass along your "wisdom" to.
OUCH! Revised
So I am not the preacher of good dental care. Take care of your teeth and floss. A few weeks ago, I ended up with a broken tooth. Turns out the tooth had more problems. I had it extracted today. The tooth was replaced with a screw which will be the base of my new implant. The whole process takes about 4 months from start to finish. The pain isn't too bad and I will try to forget the hammer used to losen what remained of the tooth. There was concern about swelling but looks like I'll make it through with ice packs.
Whew! I don't have plans for New Year's Eve. Honestly haven't had plans since 2005? But it's fine. I can work on my homework and try to get my sleep schedule back on track before I go back to school.
Still researching where we'll move next. I think we are "over" living where we are now. It's time to stop feeling so "temporary" and make a bit of a more permanent life. I find myself thinking about my home burning. What burned first? What burned fast? Is there something under the ash & remains that I missed? I know time will make those thoughts stop but in the meantime, it's a struggle.
Well, the pain is getting to me and I opted not to take the heavy duty drugs so I think I am going to lie down and do some reading for homework.
NOTE: I am revising this post because I wanted "fuckwit's" comment GONE!
Whew! I don't have plans for New Year's Eve. Honestly haven't had plans since 2005? But it's fine. I can work on my homework and try to get my sleep schedule back on track before I go back to school.
Still researching where we'll move next. I think we are "over" living where we are now. It's time to stop feeling so "temporary" and make a bit of a more permanent life. I find myself thinking about my home burning. What burned first? What burned fast? Is there something under the ash & remains that I missed? I know time will make those thoughts stop but in the meantime, it's a struggle.
Well, the pain is getting to me and I opted not to take the heavy duty drugs so I think I am going to lie down and do some reading for homework.
NOTE: I am revising this post because I wanted "fuckwit's" comment GONE!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
What's New....
Christmas came and went and....it sucked! I feel like I've been robbed of a fun holiday. I got NO presents. I did enjoy the few messages of "Merry Christmas" I got. I couldn't have felt more alone and it was (is) horrible. I've cried myself to sleep every night since the 23rd. I want someone special to share holidays with (besides my parents).
Yes, I've got extended family, but honestly, they are jerks. My aunt called and threw a hissy fit because we didn't feel like getting in the car and driving 2 hours to sit at her house for Christmas. Don't we have a choice NOT to do that.
You have no clue how many phone calls we get a day related to the fire. Insurance, FEMA, local government, the mobile home park, charities, etc. It was nice knowing we'd have one day where no phone calls like that would come. We wanted to enjoy that. We've also been going at a constant pace working to use the pre-Christmas sales to our advantage. So we were exhausted and yet the "guilt train" comes on because we don't feel like getting in a car and driving to sit at someone else's house. Seriously? How come we don't get to have a day of peace and quiet?
I hope no one ever has to go through the task of replacing things. You go along and think, "OK, it's done I've got the basics". Then there is a blast of cold air and you realize that you need another blanket or a small heater to help you stay warm. You also realize you don't have a heavy winter coat. This stuff takes time to deal with.
OK, so I ranted again. But reminder this is MY blog and what I do here is MY stuff, OK?
I am also struggling with the fact that financially things are getting strained. We thought we'd have actual help from the people in our lives who said "we are putting something together for you" or "let me know if I can send you gift cards or something". NOTHING ever showed up and that sucks because we actually thought something was coming. I am reminded of wedding gifts, baby gifts, birthday presents, etc. I've given....oh well. It's a wake up call that's for sure.
I am on Christmas break from school but I've got a crap load of work to do. I haven't even started researching my term paper and I'm in the middle of creating a study sheet for one subject. I will have one subject left. I had also hoped I wouldn't get out of the rhythm of going to school and studying and I am lost because of all the stuff I had to do in the last week.
I am working on organizing photographs. Now that time has passed I do plan to share the photos I have. Right now I am trying to figure out where to host them so everyone can see. I am almost done uploading them on to MySpace but not everyone is on MySpace. I've got a Facebook account but for some reason no one I know is listed on that.
It appears that we will relocate in the next 30-60 days to another apartment. Right now everything is temporary until we get all settlements handled with insurance and FEMA. In the meantime, the housing market is showing no signs of improvement so we aren't in any big rush.
I kinda wish all those who've been fantastic friends lived nearby because I'd love to have a night out on the town with all of you. Hell, I'd do anything right now to avoid reading about transformers and rectifiers.
I guess what it all comes down to is each day has its struggles. Some days, the struggles are minor and other days they are major. But deep down I don't feel like I've got security. A person's home is their sanctuary and right now I don't have that and won't have it in the near future. It's frustrating.
And when I feel like things are lopsided and I am completely alone, it is even harder to see that future. I put out a challenge before and I think only one person stepped up. And this is why I find myself wondering about the quality of people I have allowed into my life, ya know.
Yes, I've got extended family, but honestly, they are jerks. My aunt called and threw a hissy fit because we didn't feel like getting in the car and driving 2 hours to sit at her house for Christmas. Don't we have a choice NOT to do that.
You have no clue how many phone calls we get a day related to the fire. Insurance, FEMA, local government, the mobile home park, charities, etc. It was nice knowing we'd have one day where no phone calls like that would come. We wanted to enjoy that. We've also been going at a constant pace working to use the pre-Christmas sales to our advantage. So we were exhausted and yet the "guilt train" comes on because we don't feel like getting in a car and driving to sit at someone else's house. Seriously? How come we don't get to have a day of peace and quiet?
I hope no one ever has to go through the task of replacing things. You go along and think, "OK, it's done I've got the basics". Then there is a blast of cold air and you realize that you need another blanket or a small heater to help you stay warm. You also realize you don't have a heavy winter coat. This stuff takes time to deal with.
OK, so I ranted again. But reminder this is MY blog and what I do here is MY stuff, OK?
I am also struggling with the fact that financially things are getting strained. We thought we'd have actual help from the people in our lives who said "we are putting something together for you" or "let me know if I can send you gift cards or something". NOTHING ever showed up and that sucks because we actually thought something was coming. I am reminded of wedding gifts, baby gifts, birthday presents, etc. I've given....oh well. It's a wake up call that's for sure.
I am on Christmas break from school but I've got a crap load of work to do. I haven't even started researching my term paper and I'm in the middle of creating a study sheet for one subject. I will have one subject left. I had also hoped I wouldn't get out of the rhythm of going to school and studying and I am lost because of all the stuff I had to do in the last week.
I am working on organizing photographs. Now that time has passed I do plan to share the photos I have. Right now I am trying to figure out where to host them so everyone can see. I am almost done uploading them on to MySpace but not everyone is on MySpace. I've got a Facebook account but for some reason no one I know is listed on that.
It appears that we will relocate in the next 30-60 days to another apartment. Right now everything is temporary until we get all settlements handled with insurance and FEMA. In the meantime, the housing market is showing no signs of improvement so we aren't in any big rush.
I kinda wish all those who've been fantastic friends lived nearby because I'd love to have a night out on the town with all of you. Hell, I'd do anything right now to avoid reading about transformers and rectifiers.
I guess what it all comes down to is each day has its struggles. Some days, the struggles are minor and other days they are major. But deep down I don't feel like I've got security. A person's home is their sanctuary and right now I don't have that and won't have it in the near future. It's frustrating.
And when I feel like things are lopsided and I am completely alone, it is even harder to see that future. I put out a challenge before and I think only one person stepped up. And this is why I find myself wondering about the quality of people I have allowed into my life, ya know.
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